The Visionary That Loves His Kids

One of the common themes I'm seeing develop in my blog is this revelation of what my father was like when I was a child, as I've seen him through the eyes of an adult.  As I wrote in an earlier post, meeting and getting to know Chris Brogan - an ambitious young man who's driven by that entrepreneurial passion and vision that lead guys like him to sacrifice time away from their families - really impacted me in how I see my father.  The parallels between the two are uncanny.

I came across a post Chris wrote on the Dad-o-Matic blog that, quite frankly, had more value and impact on me than any other material (book, blog, text, audio, video or live speech) I've encountered by the man.  The post - and more importantly, the video - instantly created a lump in my throat and produced tears in my eyes. 


It's a beautiful exchange of love and bonding between Chris and his toddler son.  It deeply touched my heart.  I have no doubt that if/when my dad were to watch this video, it would touch his too.  Both my father and I know that he loves me with all of his heart and wishes he could go back in time and increase the quantity of exchanges between us such as those Chris revealed in this video.

In the end, when the dreams are achieved and the passion diminishes, what counts - and what both parent and child long for - is more of the pure exchanges of love that last forever in the hearts of both.  I want more moments like that with my children.  Forget social media and all the hype or achievement surrounding Chris Brogan.  He has earned my deepest respect as a father who truly loves his children.

My Daughters Thrill the World (and their mom!)

These are my two oldest daughters.  These are the girls that were just born and about to be born during "My Season in the Darkness of Domestic Violence."

Today I am in awe at how my grown girls live life to the fullest.  They pursue adventures, new experiences, new people and new places with infectious enthusiasm and excitement.  These beautiful young women are happy, thriving individuals that spread their love for life and for others everywhere they go.  It's hard for me to believe that such joy, beauty and accomplishment could come from the scraps of my fragmented life.  But the proof is right in front of me.  These strong, independent young adults are my offspring.  Rising like a phoenix from the ashes, so my adult daughters prove hope springs eternal.  And I couldn't be more grateful and overjoyed to live to see it.

Here they are in Hawaii together.

Here they are at the 2009 Presidential Inauguration in Washington, DC.

Here they are at my oldest daughter's college graduation.

And HERE they are, in St. Petersburg, Florida, performing Michael Jackson's "Thriller" dance simultaneously with thousands of people around the world. (One in a pink top; the other in a white jumpsuit.)

Featured throughout this clip, one daughter's in a pink top & jeans; other daughter's in a white jumpsuit.

Having recently relocated themselves to Florida (one from Wisconsin; one from Washington, DC) to live together exploring this new corner of the world, they have wasted no time investigating opportunities to get involved and participate in their new community.  Their forward lean is inspiring.  Their courage and freedom of fear is astounding.  Their confidence and love of life and people is moving.  When I look at them, all of the struggles, failures and moments of despair in my life are so blazingly outshined by the radiating light of these girls, that their lives blind me to the pain and regrets of mine.  My children are nothing but miracles...miracles that bring me more joy than I could ever hope for and all of the hope they deserve.

Full video footage of my daughters performing "Thriller" for the October 25, 2009 Thrill The World event.

I'm so proud of them!

The 12th Hour

I spent the last week immersed in social media, traveling to Ohio and North Carolina, visiting with old friends and making several new ones.  My primary objective was to learn about social media, and I did.  I learned plenty.  But at the end of the week, as I was missing my family and they were missing me, I realized that the most profound impact on me came not from social media gurus but from a wise and engaging speaker at the SummitUp Social Media Confab in Dayton - a man who spoke about creativity.

Artie Isaac didn't talk about Twitter or Facebook or LinkedIn.  He didn't discuss the importance of building relationships and trust in social media or how to build a community.  In fact, he didn't talk about the medium at all (other than to state that the medium is merely the medium, and the message is the message).  His concern was with the value, quality and creativity of the message, encouraging us all to cultivate creativity.

He spoke of many ways to cultivate creativity, but of all the valuable insights he shared, nothing made a bigger impact on me than the story he told of what his wife once told him.

You have 24 hours in a day.  Ten hours are for sleeping (and all sleep/bedtime-related activities). Three hours are for your family (spouse, children or other primary, cherished relationships in your life).  The other 11 hours are yours to spend however you want.  But when you get to that 12th hour, don't ever think you're not stealing that hour from somewhere - you are.  Taking that 12th hour results in failing health, failing marriage or both.

By the end of the week, I began to feel the results of several "12th hours" in my life, and I realized all the enthusiasm for learning more about how things in our world are changing in a Web 2.0 era paled in comparison to the thoughts of what price I pay for taking 12th hours.  Once again, I'm reminded that there's no greater wisdom in our pursuits than balance.  Too much of anything is too much.  The challenge is to balance all the good, realizing that too much of one good thing could lead to destruction of another.  It's all about balance.

Thank you Artie Isaac for sharing the most valuable message of the week for me.  It made an impact.

Social Media: The Water's Rising

Why should you get into social media?  Why should your business get into social media?  Why should anyone get into social media?  It's like this:
Social Media Without Me

Social Media With Me


The drips are voices.  The tub is my community.  Water's dripping, drop by drop, into millions of tubs around the world.  The collective body of water is fast approaching critical mass.  There's a tidal wave on the horizon.  The question is, are you going to jump in while the water's warm, or are you going to wait for the tidal wave to hit?  If you're a leader of an organization that seeks to sustain itself after the tidal wave, you'd better get in the tub now.

Sacrifices of Visionaries

Today I was intrigued by Chris Brogan's blog post,  "What It Takes to Be an Overnight Success".

The post was brief but included a one minute video revealing some of the sacrifices and incredible dedication that take place behind the scenes of one dubbed as an "overnight success."  The blog post brought to mind a recent video my husband shared with me - a video of a young man giving a motivational speech to a group of young people, explaining to them that the key to successfully pursuing your dreams is in the sacrifice, dedication and hard work you commit to them.

 Highlights from this clip:

"When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful."

"If you're going to be successful, you've got to be willing to give up sleep.  You've got to be willing to work off of three hours of sleep."

"If you REALLY want to be successful, some days you're gonna have to stay up three days in a row."

Chris Brogan's one minute view of  "a day in the life of an overnight success" is the above motivational speech in action.  He's living it out, one sleepless night at a time. 

Photo credit: Chris Brogan

The Gift

Regrets.  We all have them.  Some lead to lessons learned.  Some become catalysts for change.  And some deteriorate from tumors of guilt into full blown cancer of the heart.  In this way, I've been terminally ill for the better part of two decades.

When I was a young woman, I made a decision that I have regretted every second since the moment I made it.  I betrayed someone I love.  No...betrayal is too soft a word.  I annihilated the trust of my closest friend.

From childhood through adulthood, those she trusted most let her down at every turn.  Fully aware of her life experiences, I was determined to be a faithful friend to her, committed to loving her unconditionally all the days of my life.  While my love for her never fluctuated from unconditional, my friendship fell far from my original intention.  Like all those who came before me, I failed to uphold the trust and confidence she deserved and needed.  Anguish has consumed me ever since.

I learned a lesson, and I changed.  I sought forgiveness, and I repented.  But the shadow of shame remained.  Disobeying authority is one thing.  Betraying a person who trusts you more than anyone in the world?  That is the ultimate sin.  And I committed it.  No amount of "I learned my lesson" or "I am so sorry" could make up for the damage I had done.


This friend and I have been estranged for years.  I've cried countless tears into my pillow, longing for her friendship.  But my tears could never compare to the pain I caused in her life.  I deserved the result of my choices; she didn't.

A few weeks ago I received a message on Facebook from this friend.  She asked for my email address.  I was scared to death to read what she would write in that email.  She had never released her anger towards me.  She just ended our friendship.  I knew that it was my time to receive the well-deserved lashing she had built up for me over the years.  Prepared for my punishment, I sent her a message back giving her my email address.  Moments later, the email came through.  The subject line read: "I forgive you."   I........forgive.......you.
 
Typing those words now, weeks after receiving that email, overwhelms me with emotion.  I have done many things in my life of which I'm not proud.  But I have never regretted anything more in my life than betraying this friend.  She had every right to hate me forever.  But she forgave me.

Today we had our first phone conversation since she emailed me.  We talked for hours.  When she had to go, she called me back later when she could talk again.  We just picked up where we left off.  We spoke as the best friends we were prior to the destruction of the friendship.  We related so well; we connected; we understood each other; we were both full of love and affection.

My girl gave me the greatest gift I've ever received.  She gave me grace.  When we least deserve it is when we most appreciate it.  No words can adequately describe the anguish and regret I carried for so many years.  And no words can convey the gratitude, healing and love that rained over me the day my best friend forgave me.  It takes an amazing person to forgive the unforgivable.  And when they do, they bestow the greatest gift the guilty could ever hope to receive.

My friend has given me what I least deserved and what I most craved.  She is a gift of hope, healing and inspiration - not only for me, but for all who hear this story.

Photo credits:
wpeters9 
brookejayne_x

Live, Love and Laugh...especially laugh! :)

It's time for a laugh.  Here I share a few of my favorite YouTube videos that have made me laugh - I mean REALLY laugh - in recent months.  Some are classics (classic being relative of course), and some are new discoveries; all are great medicine!

Other than the first one (that I found through a tweet from Seth Simonds - who, by the way, has one of my favorite blogs), the rest are videos I stumbled upon while searching for a laughter break.

If you need a good laugh - or even if you don't - laughter is good for the soul.  And these are free!  :)  Enjoy.

German Newscaster
(found this little nugget from @sethsimonds)


Monster's gonna kick my ask!


Waffly and pancakey wedding vows


Model wishing she didn't have to wear bright orange, ill-fitting high heels

My Dad

I love him.
I could summarize this post with those three words.  But today I thought about one of the many reasons why I love him.

All of my life my dad has been a very busy man.  Busy as in - high profile speaker, author and entrepreneur, tireless workaholic, in high demand, juggling too many people, too many projects and too many irons in the fire throughout my life.  My dad's version of "busy" equates to superhuman abilities and demands on his time that extend far beyond fourth dimension capabilities.

One of the significant memories etched in my mind from growing up with my father is a song he played at many keynote speeches he gave over the years...

My dad playing this song in speeches and repeatedly choking up when doing so confirms what I know - that my dad loved me and my brothers despite his frequent absence in pursuit of his dreams and providing for us.

I never felt like my dad didn't love me.  But I do look back and wish I had more time with him.  I miss not having my dad around a lot when I was young.  This is nothing new though.  Fathers (especially ambitious and successful ones) are forever investing most of their time and energy into providing for their families.  And when your father is a visionary entrepreneur, the amount of time invested and the passion with which it is invested is substantial.

I have been thinking a lot about my dad this week, especially since meeting a man who reminds me a lot of my father...only this man is my age with young children at home.  It's like seeing my dad as an adult peer, not as a young daughter.

Last week I met Chris Brogan.  Prior to last week, I didn't know who he was.  Since meeting him, I've looked into him and couldn't help but recognize the parallels between him and my father.  Today I watched Chris at IzeaFest answering a question from an audience member who asked Chris how he could handle being present with all of these people everywhere he goes and still spend time with his family.  Chris' answer revealed such a familiar scenario for me.  First he said, "Daddy sends home checks." (He then said he was joking, but I have no doubt there's truth to that statement.  This is what Daddy does to provide for the family.  This is reality.)  He went on to say, "The difference between how I live my life now is before, when I had all these dreams, I was home, but I wasn't present - I was in my household pushing my kids off saying. 'I gotta do something, I gotta do something, I gotta do something.' And now when I'm home, I am fiercely home.  I shut off everything.  I don't tweet.  Or if I do tweet, it's about something they did to me.  And I love the hell out of them."

I connected the dots.  Chris is just like my dad.  Chris spends all this time away from home, pursuing dreams he's passionate about and providing for his family.  Chris pours himself out connecting with people in person at all of these venues he visits while simultaneously maintaining a strong social media presence - engaging with hundreds, even thousands, of people every single day.  And he also runs a company, promotes a book, gives speeches, works on upcoming projects and, (I'm quite confident), constantly thinks of new ideas and projects for the future.  (Of course this is a hunch, making the comparison between him and my father.)

In the same week I learned about Chris Brogan and got a feel for what his life is like, I also noticed that my dad took a call from me right as he was walking in to meet Charles Schwab for lunch.  It struck me like a lightning bolt and has remained with me since.  Despite my dad's success, status and high profile position in his field, my dad ALWAYS takes my calls.  I can count on a live answer when I call my dad more than I can count on a live answer when I call my husband, any of my friends or any other relative.  The only time my dad doesn't answer my call live is if his phone has no reception or he's in a meeting.

Though he shows me love in many other ways, it is this way that my dad shows me love that stood out to me this week.  And I wanted to share this publicly.  My dad makes me feel loved and important because he always takes my calls.  I feel more important than Charles Schwab in my dad's world.

The moral of my story?  If you're a father, pursuing your dreams and providing for your family, take this message from my life experience:  Pursue your dreams, provide for your family and send checks home.  But also be home as much as you can, invest your time and attention in your children when you are home,  AND take every call that comes in from your children - no matter how successful, famous or important you are.  In the end, your children will never forget how important they are to you.

Thank you, Dad.
You love me, and you show it.
I feel it, and I know it.

I honestly love you

When do you tell someone that you love them?

Last week I met someone very special.  It was the first time we had ever met, but we connected almost immediately and felt comfortable - better yet, safe - to share openly.  Within moments of talking, we shared rather intimate information with each other.  One of the things she shared with me about her life prompted her eyes to well up with tears.  I instinctively sought to nurture and comfort this new friend - to show her love.  At the end of our conversation, she said to me, "I know this sounds crazy, but I love you."  I reached out and hugged her tightly and told her, "I love you too."

Later, when I shared this story with a close friend, I encountered the "that's not the norm" perspective, which I understood perfectly.  I'm well aware of social protocol.  I just don't agree with it.  Most people would question why a person who had only known me for thirty minutes would tell me she loves me...and why I would reciprocate the sentiment.  I question - WHY NOT?

The truth is, the woman who told me she loved me was one of the most courageous people I've met.  It's bold and risky to step outside of social norms, especially in emotional etiquette.  We have these rules, but they're counter-intuitive to our humanity.

We all need love.  We all have love to give.  And yet we have been programmed to approach the word "love" with caution for the many implications that might trail behind it.  When this woman I had just met expressed love to me in the statement of "I love you," I saw no difference between that and the expression of love she showed to me in sharing, listening and connecting in such a tender and vulnerable way with me.  And vice versa.  When I told her I love her too, it was a mere affirmation of the love I had already been showing her in our conversation - an exchange in which we both opened our hearts to one another.  We were expressing verbally what existed in action and spirit.

Why is the linguistic expression of love such a touchy matter?  I completely disagree with the assertion that it is "too soon" or "too risky" to tell someone you love them.  If the words are congruent with the sentiments of the heart and the actions of a person, then it shouldn't be taboo to say it.

I propose a solution.  Why don't we establish a universal understanding for these three little words that encompasses the essence of love in a way that provokes no fear or concern of someone "taking it the wrong way."  Here's my stab at this definition.

When I say "I love you," what I mean is:

• There is love in my heart, and I want to share it with you.
• However I can help or heal, I want to do so for you.
• You are not alone; you are loved.
• In whatever capacity appropriate to our relationship and as much as it is possible for me, I want to meet your need for love.

This kind of love is a gift from me...from my heart...from the essence of who I am to the core.  While I wish love, hope and healing to all people everywhere, I give my love to those people who have crossed my path and connected with me and/or touched me in particular ways that prompt my heart to release this gift of love.  When I love someone, I honestly love them.  And I most often do tell them...honestly.